Dynasty Fans: Take a Bow

I have fallen out of love with professional sports. Yesterday I sat 5th row center court for the Wolves-Lakers game at Staples. Movie stars, rap stars and models abound. How silly I was to be excited about the game, to be excited about a ball game. The row behind us, and in front of us talked exclusively about celebrities that they would spot in the crowd. When I yelled to Phil Jackson that I didn't know where his witch hunt against Kobe was, after a Wolves foul was called in the 4th quarter, people rows away literally said, "What?!"
"The NBA's Vendetta."

It's with this in mind that today I pay homage to the passing of professional sports, and the rise of the ever-present Dynasty Teams. The list goes as follows, in descending order of "greatness":

1. New York Yankees
2. Los Angeles Lakers
3. New York Knicks
4. Boston Red Sox
5. Dallas Cowboys
6. USC Trojans (football only)
7. Miami Heat
8. New York Giants

These are the teams whose fans go to the game to show off their jeans. They have fans that don't know their own team's record, or who John Stockton is. They don't live and never lived in or near the city that the team's stadium is in. They go to games because it's a sign of power to sit close to the court, near Spike Lee and Jack Nicholson. They all love Derek Jeter and Kobe Bryant because they're good looking. They never lose arguments about their team's inferiority because they don't know what the assist/turnover ratio is. They all think that the 2004 Pistons cheated and that the referees are on a vendetta against the game's best offensive player; both because the NBA wants to stop a rapist from being the best player. They don't know why their best player didn't get fouled just now.